Monday, June 6, 2016

If I Fall Quiet for A While...

Today starts a month-long summer course, the last course in my certificate I returned to the university for.

And within the first moments of it, the instructor successfully talked several people into dropping. I had that happen once before, and only once, when the original instructor was swapped for World Religions and traded for a professor from a place noted for their vigorous (and rigorously delivered) curriculum. I learned a lot then (and also almost forgot how to speak English after thirty hours of badly-translated texts needed to write a ten-page paper). Maybe this will be the same. 

At the very least, this is the home-stretch. 

I've been back at school since my last baby was nearly four months old. I have juggled her therapies, her feedings, everything that comes with a special needs infant and school for almost as long as I can remember. I don't know what it will be like after, other than I might have time again.

But that is a month away. A course crammed into a month away. And a dream I can't settle into yet. 

The 30 hour technical drawing with my current mood added...

What will this do to my writing time? That hour or so in the night after everything is done and everyone is in bed?

It will obliterate it. 

I'm going to try to write a few paragraphs here and there, because if I lose my place or momentum entirely, I'm frightened I won't be able to get back to that same place. It's one of the reasons I also have to write scenes in order-it's a journey I take with these characters, usually knowingly only slightly more of what's going on than they do, and I don't get to skip ahead. I know plenty of writers who can use that technique, but for me taking a break too long or going ahead is a fatal mistake to my story.

The challenge in this won't even be the coursework, or the lack of writing, it's going to primarily be how to be a mom who has to juggle three nights a week away for 3-4 hours and not ruin her childrens' summer. It means I spend a lot of nights pre-making meals, now. And that I'm not going to have time to eat dinner before I leave for the evening. And any outings I manage to take them on will have to be early in the day so I have time to deal with my assignments and getting to class. It means I have to heavily rely on my parents and husband  (which isn't fair to them) to pick up the slack where I can't. That's probably the worst part about going to school. You absolutely have to ask for help. Whether it's begging your best friend for her computer because your's is out of commission or asking your parents to pick up a pizza and come over because you ran out of time to cook, you have to ask for help. You feel incredibly sorry for everyone that has to come to your aid (and you think for what? Aren't you a SAHM mom?!)

But, I went back to school to be further trained in graphic design. I went back with the intention of further offering my skills to developing businesses AND I still plan on selling my work myself. Both things are on the back side of the to-do list for now, though. Because for the last two years it has been survival. 

I can't wait until that isn't my reality anymore. I've had the adventure of a lifetime going back, and met the most wonderful and skilled people, but I definitely want the quiet of home when I can finally have it once more. 

And, after that, I'll find a different adventure. 


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