Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Why I'm not "at work" this week.

If you ask me what my first job is, I will tell you that it's my family.

I missed my poetry reading today, I got nothing done for work, nothing for school. Our baby woke with torticollis (actually she has had that since birth. But, she graduated from physical and occupation therapy for it, so we figured, other than her shoulders being a little uneven, the torti monster was kept at bay)-a muscle spasm in her neck that kept her from turning her head. We took her to the ER, we spent the day holding her, holding her food, helping her play in those few moments when her pain meds kicked in and allowed her to move around freely. 

I spent yesterday and several other days fighting (not fighting fighting, everyone has been nice, nobody has told us "no") for seats for my older children in a new local charter school. At this point, I don't see another good option, other than an online charter-but that requires a lot more hours put in parent-wise than having an educator that spends the day with them. We will go that route, if we have to, but I feel like this is something I need to do for them right now based on what I've seen. We have spots being held, thank goodness, but now we have to get all their paperwork in order. And probably start buying new uniforms. 

These moments, these little moments, even when dealing with not-good things-these moments are everything for me. I get to be there for them. And, generally speaking, there are way more good moments than their are scary hospital ones, or edge-of-your-seat school lottery ones, etc...

No day passes I am not grateful to my husband for being the spouse who handles working long hours. No day passes I am not grateful to be a parent to the children I have, however hard that day may be. 
Our old wedding picture. And a photobombing moth. 

This right here is my first job. 

And writing is my second.

And that is okay. 

And I am not worth less for choosing that.

And I imagine people who work in all different kinds of fields, with different hours, feel the same way. And I think it's okay if they don't. 

And I think I will try to get more work done next week. 

A film site dealing with women artists and family - "Who Does She Think She Is"-if anyone is interested. One of the first films that really spoke to me on the subject of balancing identity. 

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